Jesus told us that we are expected to forgive and that our forgiveness must not be superficial, but "from the heart" (Matthew 18:35). This kind of forgiveness is only possible because of God's work in us. The Spirit, speaking through John the Apostle, tells us that we are able to love because "He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). The most elementary and profound expression of love is forgiveness. As we experientially and continuously receive God's forgiveness, love and grace, we will want to forgive those who have injured us. From-the-heart forgiveness happens as we pass through various stages. Here are four.
The first is the realization that you've been violated in some fashion. Don't minimize this. You may think, "Compared to what she went through, I have nothing to complain about...." That may be so, but if you have been injured to any degree (physically, verbally, sexually, financially, etc.), the wound won't heal by minimizing it. Our fear of having a "victim mentality" also impedes our progress toward healing. Healing can't take place until an injury is acknowledged.
The second stage is invitation- inviting Jesus into your pain. This is best done in the company of a friend. Tell Jesus what was hurtful and ask Him to heal it. After all, He not only heals diseases, but "griefs and sorrows" too (Isaiah 53:4).
The third stage is cancellation. In a formal way declare the debt that is owed to be cancelled. What is the debt? It's always two things. You are truly owed a sincere apology and in God's system of justice, you are owed restitution (under the Old Covenant restitution was decided by judges but often included four-fold compensation). By forgiving, you are saying, "I cancel the apology I am owed and any compensation in God's economy of justice that I am owed."
The fourth stage is blessing. Bless and pray for those who have injured you! How often? As often as they come to mind.
Watch what God will do!