As We Also Have Forgiven Our Debtors CONTINUED
Genuinely forgiving others (“from the heart” as Jesus says in Matthew 18:35) is a process. Some slow up the process by ignoring the pain they have experienced by someone else’s hand.
I am going to suggest a seven step process that can help you heal to the extent that forgiveness becomes an inevitable and invariable response. First though, I think it will be helpful to realize that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what he/she did to hurt you is okay. It’s not. Nor does forgiving someone mean that you should trust him/her. A parent of a sexually abused child can forgive the abuser while not allowing the abuser to have contact with his/her child.
If you are going to truly forgive, acknowledge the wound and own the pain. Don’t pretend you weren’t really hurt. Invite Jesus into it, ideally, in the company of a friend and receive healing prayer for the wound (perhaps you should receive inner healing prayer from a trained practitioner of inner healing prayer). Grieve the loss of what could have been. Christians seem to short-circuit this. Don’t hurry this process. Then, cancel the debt- this means that if you have embraced the idea that you are owed an apology (you are) and restitution (you might be owed this), you now act like you are not owed these things. Extend a blessing to the person who hurt you (Matthew 5:44; Romans 12:14). Pray for his/her well being (Luke 6:28). Keep doing this. In the course of time, you will be free of resentment and you will have forgiven the person who has hurt you. The head trash that has been associated with the memory of what they did will eventually fade.