By Kevin "Mac" McClure
Some of us grew up in cultures of shame. Was your home a shame-based culture? Did Mom or Dad tell you that you disgust them, that you will never amount to anything or that you are stupid? Those are obvious examples of the worst kind of shame, but shame appears in more subtle forms: "Honey, you'd look so much better if you lost a few pounds!"
How about your church? Is it a spiritually safe place or do you receive a regular diet of performance-based teaching that leaves you feeling like a loser?
The influence of shame is so powerful that you can find yourself shaming someone and not even realize you are doing it. I wince with regret as I consider my own contributions to the culture of shame. I can recall the way shame bled through my sermons about having a devotional life and I don't doubt that it left some people feeling guilt-tripped into seeking God. Good goal, bad motivation.
I've also been aware that feelings of remorse, what the Bible calls "godly sorrow"(See 2 Cor. 7:9,10), are not the same as toxic shame. When my conscience feels pain because I have acted in a manner than is inconsistent with the way of Christ, is that not a holy thing?
When the Holy Spirit convicts us, He aims to restore us; when the devil condemns us, he aims to destroy us. Seems so simple, but it's still sometimes hard to tell the difference.
That's why it is so important to be part of a faith community where you allow others to walk alongside of you in this journey we call faith.